


Plan E and Counting

by yaodai



Category: Naruto
Genre: Danzo's basement the least pretty of them all, M/M, Root - Freeform, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, but he's only good at being an annoyance, connecting people via being a little shit, kakashi tries to manipulate people, ninja world is not a pretty place, tw: mentions of food and water deprivation, tw: mentions of sleep deprivation, tw:mentions of brainwashing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21758131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaodai/pseuds/yaodai
Summary: Hatake Kakashi tries to manipulate the people around him for the betterment of the ninja world and fails at every turn. Probably because in the eyes of everyone else he's five.Somehow that's okay.
Relationships: Hatake Sakumo/Orochimaru
Comments: 34
Kudos: 548





	Plan E and Counting

"Adjustments"

Kakashi was over thirty six but at the moment he was also five. 

He didn't mind not being able to see above the table. It was an interesting change of perspective, but he was nothing if able to improvise on the spot.   
What he did mind was the fact that shinobi were not too eager when it came to listening to five year old brats, hitai ate or not.  
Which put quite a big wrench in his plans. 

Not that it surprised Kakashi much; by now his life like someone smashed a whole toolbox into it. Improvising on his spot, working with a whole set of disadvantages and roadblocks, he could do that just fine.   
So what if he couldn’t go and stab all those troublesome people in the throat on his own?

The solution was easy: since he couldn’t be the adult all he had to do was to manipulate adults around him to do the stabbery things for him. 

"Dad, he's evil."

"Kakashi, that's not a very nice thing to say about a fellow shinobi," Sakumo scolded him, brow slightly furrowed above his tired, tired eyes.

Being dead on your feet was apparently some sort of a bloodline limit because Kakashi remember feeling just like that.  
He also couldn't remember his father looking anything but exhausted.

"He's evil," Kakashi repeated, because that was a fact everybody needed to know for the well being of the entire village. 

"It's also not very nice to point with your finger," Sakumo stated dryly. 

Kakashi groaned.   
Stupid adult shinobi. No wonder all genin were menaces, this was horrible. 

Especially since he was pointing at Orochimaru.  
Everyone knew he was evil, that was like a law of nature: the sky was blue, the grass was green and Orochimaru was one nasty asshole. 

Only people of this age were absolutely clueless and ignored all the warning signs. Which included Kakashi the first time around.   
Now was supposed to be different, better, because he knew things, he had all sorts of plans and just a tiny little time before everything was going to fall apart around him like a house of cards.

And Sakumo wasn’t listening! 

Honestly, Kakashi wanted to bite him, for being such a well behaved, meek man. 

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what got into him!" Sakumo was all but groveling on the ground.

Orochimaru chuckled, yellow eyes sparkling and looking at Kakashi with curiosity.

Kakashi suddenly wanted to kick himself in the face very hard because he just managed to get the attention he really, really didn't need at this point in his life. At any point. 

"No offense taken," the Sannin replied. "Children sometimes have an interesting way of interpreting the world."

"I'm not interpreting anything," Kakashi grunted under his breath.

The Snake Sannin looked exactly like he always did, like he was the sole constant point in the universe: pale and all too sharp, more wraith than a flesh and bone.  
Or as if even the time didn’t want to do anything with him and floated around the guy, like he was the particularly big rock in the middle of the stream.

Even the smell was exactly the same - like a fresh grave in the deep dark forest, sharp with herbs and heavy with sandalwood.   
It was on purpose too - it had to be because any shinobi capable of staying alive past their twenties knew how to mask all traces of their presence. 

"Naturally," Orochimaru agreed with him cheerfully. "I'm a shinobi after all. Of course I'm evil."

Kakashi blinked.

"Point taken," he had to admit. 

It was kind of hard to stay a good person when your daily job was all about stabbing people in the back. Or chest. Preferably throat. 

"So young and already a genin?" Orochimaru kept looking at him. "My, aren't you a hard worker?"

"He is," Sakumo nodded. "He's very serious about this. Maybe too serious."

There was a small frown crossing his father face and Kakashi had to look away.

He didn't want the man to worry. He didn't want the man to worry at all because the bad times were coming and he needed all the mental strength he could get. 

"You're really evil. you probably have an evil lair somewhere," he kicked at the dirt instead.

"Oh dear," Orochimaru blinked. 

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into him today!"

“Are you writing down these by any chance?” Orochimaru asked out of nowhere. “I think you should start doing that. This is priceless!”

“...Am I just entertainment to you?” 

“Yes!”

xxx

Nobody believed him that Orochimaru was indeed evil.   
Quite the opposite, people either found it hilarious or looked at him like he was quite unwell in the head. Not that they weren't looking at the Sannin with suspicious eyes, nobody dared to put things into words yet.   
Orochimaru was after all very evil and very dangerous. 

Hatake Sakumo somehow didn't get the memo and ended up inviting the Sannin for tea instead.

"I really need to repay you for that little brat of mine somehow," he explained, busying around the table. 

It was somewhat miserable and exactly what one could expect from a lonely man trying to host a guest and having little to no idea what he was doing.  
Tea from the only tea blend his father owned - the one Kakashi still couldn’t quite stomach - and salty snacks in mis-matched dishes, along with a sad box of store bought cookies nobody was going to touch.

Orochimaru found the situation to be absolutely hilarious and rolled with it, probably just to make Kakashi squirm some more in his presence. 

All Kakashi could do was to not give the man any satisfaction, so he sat straight at his place by the table and stared at the slowly cooling tea, thinking intensely of murder. 

"...things aren't getting any better, are they?" he blinked, as he caught the far end of a long sentence.

There was an odd look on his father's face, one he couldn't quite place.

"No," Orochimaru shook his head. Black hair waved around, hiding his expression from Kakashi. "If anything the tension is rising."

"You think what I think?"

"Obviously," the Sannin nodded. "I don't see this ending in any other way."

"Such shame," Dad sighed deeply, and looked at Kakashi. "I hoped..."

"He's five," Orochimaru replied, quietly, almost softly. "I don't think he's going to see a lot of the world any time soon."

"I hope so," Dad shook his head.

Kakashi felt his eyebrows twitch.  
There was a conversation happening right over his head and he didn't like it one bit.

"You're talking about war, right?"

Dad gasped.

Orochimaru blinked.

"Dear my," he said after a short pause. "Aren't you a clever little thing!"

Kakashi just looked up, squinting in challenge.

Orochimaru was looking straight at him, his odd yellow eyes wide and framed by sharp, purple markings, thin lips spread in a smile.

"Do yourself a favor, dear child, and don't show it in front of too many people," the Sannin said, voice silky and dark. His whole attention was zeroed on Kakashi and it was hard to breathe. 

"You are not going to like where too much attention leads," Orochimaru finished and returned to his tea, as if nothing had happened. 

Kakashi decided to stay silent.   
The attention was already on him.

xxx

Kakashi kicked the training pole in what Gai would call an unyouthful fashion. 

He was doing that for awhile now, standing in the middle of the training ground and kicking at the imaginary groin.  
It helped him vent some of the frustration, while staying completely in character of a little wanna-be ninja brat.\

Well, almost, because Kakashi was a stuck-up dumbass brat who wouldn't lower himself to groin-shots.

ANBU taught him that the obvious dirty moves worked best, especially if the person performing them looked high and mighty.   
Kakashi winced and tried to not think about the ANBU. Or about his past slash future, because it was making him reach the boiling rage point in record time. 

He couldn't do anything about Orochimaru - seriously, Sakumo was the most clueless jonin that ever lived in the village of the Hidden Leaf and instead of avoiding the Sannin like any sane being would do he started to hang out with the man over tea.

That annoyed Kakashi to no end, because home wasn't supposed to smell like snakes - and mint, rosemary and sandalwood because Orochimaru was one hell of a weird shinobi that didn't bother with scentless shampoo - and now it did.   
Having no way of getting rid of Orochimaru, Kakashi decided to deal with another problem on his long, long list of things to solve.

Danzo Shimura was a sleazy, sleazy man and following him was tricky.

However Kakashi was one of the best ANBU in his previous... whatever it was and now he also had a size advantage. It was hard to notice something that could walk under the table with his backs completely straight. 

Days crawled slowly, one after another, each of them filled with stalking through the village and looking for the best observation spots. 

Danzo Shimura was a boring, boring man, because he was spending most of his time pestering the Hokage about one thing or another and then pestering all sorts of people about many, many different things.  
For someone who was supposed to work in the shadows, Danzo was sure putting himself out there, Kakashi decided, shifting into a more comfortable position on his favorite tree branch. It was a good tree, comfortable and with a rich crown, allowing him to hide without trying too hard.

Then again, it could be a good excuse - Kakashi remembered the documentation well. It was the time when ROOT was supposedly no more and Shimura was out of a job.  
Being visible and talking to everyone made him look innocent. Sort of. More like he was looking for political allies and considering climbing up the power ladder than raising a military power in the basement to eventually take over. 

The ROOT still existed, only more hidden than it was before - many of his people disappeared into ANBU, but a lot of them worked for the Hokage only because Danzo told them to. 

Poor suckers, Kakashi sighed. 

Too indoctrinated to be capable of creative thinking or even having their own opinion about the most boring topics, too blindly loyal to be of any use for Kakashi. Or anyone who wasn’t Danzo.

And then the rest of the air was pushed out of his lungs, as a shadows suddenly surrounded him and a weight landed on the back of his head and his backs, punching the air and consciousness out of him. 

xxx

Kakashi came to in an unpleasantly bright room. 

It was bare, just cold stone walls and even colder stone floor, but there were lamps on the ceiling and they were brutal on his splitting headache.

Kakashi groaned and rolled on the side to cover his face. He probably shouldn't do that and play unconscious instead, but he doubted anyone here would fall for that. 

He lied there for some time. It was hard to tell how long, since there was only his heartbeat to count down the passing seconds and it was kind of difficult when his head was pounding.   
Then finally, the doors creaked open and merciless, gloriously dark shadow his him from the nasty light.

"You are quite a talented young man," killing migraine or no, Kakashi had no trouble with recognizing the voice. 

Danzo.

"What?" he croaked. It sounded miserable and somewhat stupid, but there was nothing wrong with playing stupid. 

"I want you to work for me," Shimura stated.

"Why would I do that?"

"You will do that," the man corrected. "Eventually."

And then the bastard turned around and left the room. 

"Well crap," Kakashi groaned and tried to hide away from the merciless, painful light.   
It looked like he vastly overestimated his own abilities and most probably underestimated the man.

He wondered if it was Orochimaru who pointed out how talented and special Kakashi was.

Despite everything, he hoped it wasn't.   
Dad sort of liked the nasty sucker and he needed a friend, especially during was coming. 

xxx

Time crawled forward.  
The cell was too bright to sleep, but Kakashi was trying anyway.  
There was painfully nothing to do, leaving him with contemplating his headache and thing he did wrong. 

The Ne eventually showed up, once he's dead tired from lack of sleep and stir-crazy from having absolutely nothing to do at the same time.  
The beating Kakashi received was almost refreshing.

Almost, because being kicked around hurt and his head wasn't even finished with the migraine yet. 

"I think it's enough," Shimura's voice rang in the room and the Ne stopped dead where they stood. 

There's a silence filled with waiting and Kakashi decided to take his sweet time with getting up.  
Everyone was waiting for him and if there was anything he was really good at it was stalling and being stupid late for everything. 

"Would you like some tea?" Shimura asked, eyes closed in the most false smile Kakashi ever saw. 

Then he looked down, at the offered cup.  
It was still steaming and filling the room with familiar homey aroma of the brew dad used to buy all the time - the one Kakashi spend thirty years avoiding like fire. 

Kakashi looked back at the man, still smiling, but also observing him like a hawk.

You bastard, Kakashi thought, considering his options.

That was one hell of a brainwashing.   
Turning yourself into the only source of comfort, the only source of necessary things like water and shadows and not being beaten to death. 

"Yes," he agreed eventually, because he needed to keep thinking straight and dehydration was the first thing that would turn his mind into useless goop. 

The tea was too strong and bitter on his tongue.  
It was gone way too soon, leaving his mouth dry for more and stomach suddenly remembering that it needed food. 

"I hope we'll talk again soon," Danzo said. 

Kakashi got dragged back to the too bright room. He bit one of the Ne and broke fingers of the other, because if he couldn't get out he could be as well a mayor annoyance.   
But then the Ne left and Kakashi was alone, sitting on the floor, contemplating the ugly seal on his skin, keeping his chakra away.  
The routine continued. 

Long, long time of loneliness to the point he started missing the emotionless human-shaped puppets Danzo's people were, followed by being beaten up and then a cup of tea. 

The blend changed. The difference was barely there, just a few leaves from another, but Kakashi could tell anyway.  
With every tea, the taste is slightly different, slightly less the thing Sakumo made at home and slightly more the other thing.  
The taste was strong, still in his mouth long after he was back in the cell room, the memory of one pleasant thing that happened during the day. 

Shimura always talked about one thing or another while Kakashi drank.

It was difficult to ignore him; those were the only words he heard, excluding his own voice.

The words stayed with Kakashi just like the taste of the tea, ringing in his ears, the intonation and accent irregular, so he couldn't just concentrate on the rhythm and ignore the rest. 

In any different circumstances Danzo would be boring. Always talking about the merits of loyalty, always about how it was important for a shinobi to be a tool in the hands of another, how emotions were unnecessary.   
Kakashi didn't bother to argue at first and then he was too tired to do so.

Most of the time he felt like he was submerged in water, the reality swimming past him, his thoughts jumbled and slow.  
Every day, Kakashi counted his heartbeat, numbers slipping from his mind and twisting in something else and every day Kakasahi waited for being beaten up, because after that there was a tea and a small moment of clarity from the caffeine and water. 

xxx

The routine got interrupted by voices, but Kakashi was too dazed to really tell what was going on.  
Maybe someone else was getting beaten up today.  
A shame, he waited for the tea, even if it meant listening to Danzo.  
He could listen to the old fart if it meant he could drink tea.

His mouth was dry and his head was filled with cotton balls.   
It wasn't pleasant, even more than the annoyingly bright lamps. At some point his cell became too hot instead of too cold and Kakashi skin felt like it was burning all the time.   
He wondered if he was red like a lobster or it was just his brain short circuiting, but a shadow stopped him.

A shadow spreading above him, shielding from the merciless light and not smelling anything like Danzo.

It was something fresh and herbal instead and Kakashi could swear he knew that smell from somewhere. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know I should get back to all these WIPs.  
> But NaNoWriMo was not that long ago and this is actually readable X)


End file.
